oh it’s you that i lie with as the atom bomb locks in. yes, it’s you i welcome death with as the world, as the world caves in... *sobs* ✨as the world caves in ✨
phephe
@coolestbean
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my tinder date randomly called me today. he was like “i’m on my way to work and just wanted to hear your voice. i hope you don’t mind that i called”. we were on the phone for an hour. he called me after he got off to and was like “i just wanna let you know how excited i am about our date.” we then played minecraft and facetimed for THREE HOURS. all this time i was freaking out thinking he wasn’t that interested. but there was so much ~tension~ if u know what i mean. HEH “You know how I see you, we should be one 'Cause I already told you baby Last time that I tried to sing you this song Couldn't get the words out baby My arms are open for you look at me now Baby, if you want you got me I know you're broken darling I won't let you down 'Cause baby, I've been waiting for you Do I have to write it on your bedroom wall, you fool? Do I have to write it on your bedroom wall, you fool? Do I have to write it on your bedroom wall, you fool? Do I have to write it on your bedroom wall, you fool?”
mitski comes out with new music tomorrow so don’t be surprised if i off myself. LOL JK. but for real tho. about to be crying and throwing up. but on a real note, don’t you just HATE anxiety and ptsd? my past relationships have fucked me up so bad that when i have a good thing going i think it’s going horribly wrong and that they hate me when really they don’t want to rush things. but again, we did already sleep together. idk. idk how to bring that up with the guy i went on a date with. like “hey i really like you and i know we already talked about this but my brain is telling me you actually hate me and only wanted me for my coochie!!” “Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me But I do, I think I do And you're an all-American boy I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl You're the one You're all I ever wanted I think I'll regret this”
idrc cuz i know that i like it :*
TRIGGER WARNING (mental health) -so i’m back on my bad habits as per usual. i’m going to be very vulnerable on this post and tell u a lot about me and my mental health. so i suffer from addiction, involving food, sex, drugs and alcohol. lately i haven’t been to kind to myself and i’ve been acting out on these things. am i proud of it? no<3 could it be worse though? most definitely. am i actively working on it? yes and no. i’m not as hard on my self but i still hold myself accountable. anyways, i acted upon my s*x addiction last night and i’m pretty bummed because i tend to latch onto the people i sleep with. anyways. he bruised my chest really bad lol. so now i have a bruise the size of my hand on my chest. enjoy this song<3 it’s been getting me through a lot. “Grew up, took love for granted (uh uh) Learned colors and shapes imstead (uh uh) That the ocean wasn't planted (uh uh) Not blue, the dead, the red And I swore that I saw the difference Saw good love and to hold and to have”
i got kicked out for the third time today. my car is broken and i’m supposed to be out of the house by next month before my 21st birthday. i have no money to my name. i’m no longer going to be able to go therapy and i honestly hate my life. but i have green hair dye!! so my mental health breakdown might have a happy ending after all!!
i know u’ll never see this but i feel like i have to apologize for things. maybe it’s for the best we drifted apart.
my 21 is in three mf days!! been listening to this song like crazy lately. my date is very soon. im honestly so nervous. last night was a full moon AND harvest moon so that was amazing. i did some rituals, manifestations and spell work so im feeling very confident in the future. good things are coming. i was texting my date last night and he asked me about witchcraft and it’s just nice that someone was genuinely interested by what i do. my old friends would just act like know-it-all’s as if theyve been practicing for longer than i have. it was v condescending. anywho. have a good existence “Since a very long time I havent been around Strangers say Im crazy But they dont even know me Cause Ive been waiting for somebody To come and take my hand Someone who understands What it feels like when ur falling For just a moment ago I was just a boy And I wonder what that boy Would say to me today Who had I become Tell me where do I belong Cause I dont really know and it feels so fucking cold”
everybody do the mitski shuffle🤪 if you listen to mitski, ur automatically hot. depressed or not.
Here's the deal My father never stepped in when his wife would rage at me So I ended up awkward but sweet Later then hospitals, and still on my feet Comfortably numb, but with lithium came poetry ✨FELT THAT^
sorry for being MIA. life is being strange again. one of my exes ex is now a good friend and i couldn’t be happier. she is so cool. her roommate is such a baddie. i’m loving life despite it being kinda shit sometimes. i’m painting part time so if you wanna buy a painting from me, dm my instagram <3 i need the $$. this song is getting me through this january. the sun has been out and i bathe in it every day. i feel like im living life bittersweet-ly, spending them almost like they’re my last. 🙂 anyways. love u “yeah we can drive around just cruise from town to town no more shutting out my ass i’ll guzzle all that gas made of copper wire coils i’ll be spitting on that oil yeah u can shift my gears hop in we’re outta here no i don’t need ur number i’m happy as ur bumper crash me into ur heart take me in replace the part i wanna be ur car drive me down the fdr roll me down the broken bridge i don’t wanna be your fridge i wanna be ur car it ain’t that bizarre i wanna be u car”
today, co-star said “Do: ‘Goodbyes’”. that’s all. brain food. food for thought. goodnight xx
