@rivellababe
@rivellababe
there’s a dot-to-dot of moles i never knew were there until you kissed my back. i’m ill. maybe we found each other in every life. maybe the next one is where we’ll find each other forever. but for now i wonder where i am in my relationship to you. stuck in your atmosphere but if i saw you i don’t know what i’d do.
@rivellababe
went to brum town w my coursemates n came across the sickest group of people blasting tunes n roller skating round by symphony hall. feeling better about everything tbh. defo lost track of reality for a bit rip. still heartbroken n still miss what couldve been, but what can you do except move forward. n its abt fucking time i moved forward lmao.
@rivellababe
are you avoiding me like an airborn virus or did i just mistake your quiet for the fact you werent sure how to act too? we went back to how we were but i didnt have to be such a cunt about it. just wish my horoscope stopped telling me someones in love with me. because if its not you i dont care.
@rivellababe
your demeanour is so pretty. i saw a life reflected and amplified in all our moments together where i called you mine. where i watched you dance in pure admiration at your soul’s beauty. yet my brain moves too fast and now i’m stuck picking up fragments of a future i fabricated alone.
@rivellababe
i get certain points where i can look back and reminisce and feel good. just looked through the party photos n it was cute, such a happy moment. one of the happiest moments of my life i think. but that doesnt mean my life is over. i think ive been mourning uni and her as if thats the last time i’ll ever be happy. i used to do that every night in school, like the next day will be the worst ever. but look where i am now. the only way is up, no matter what the future holds.
@rivellababe
this girl asked what i’m listening to on camping chairs tn. showed her this song. i was thinking of u. the way she looked at me made me feel smth, n i wonder if i’m making it up. the way i did with you for months before it came true. but part of me knows it wld be nothing compared. a fun night, then we’d laugh it off and hug it out. maybe she’d kiss my cheek and tell me i looked good in more than a friend way. but what would it compare to the way you touched me for half a second? i want to move on but my body literally won’t let me.
@rivellababe
not in the mood. everything i see is her. everything reminds me of her.
@rivellababe
i laid in bed hungover while it rained through the window for the first time in forever. it felt exactly how it did when we were together, except i was all alone. i fell asleep during the party the night before, after telling everyone i’m always up last. always energetic. i think my energy left when you left, parties don’t feel the same anymore. i see friends i haven’t seen in months just so my lips can form the shape of your name one more time. maybe it will sink in eventually. but right now i’m still hoping you’ll come around. i know it’s all delusional, but i’m so lost.
@rivellababe
been seeing both sides of bad relationships like i’m sat between two speakers blasting separate music into my ears recently. it sucks that we met still carrying the mental consequences of unwanted toxic situations. but still i’m stuck reliving the beauty and peace that once was before trauma caught up. ‘i don’t speak unless i’m spoken to and i won’t smoke unless you’re smoking too yeah i just wanna keep the peace with you’
@rivellababe
‘stay forever. you know more than anyone’ no matter where i go i see you. i think of you. i feel your presence. i miss you. in every moment that i live i miss you.
@rivellababe
hey guys ! still here and still not moved on ! 🤣🤣😐 i am losing my shit. nothing is helping, saw my friends and wanted to cry, want to create but have no inspiration. need to go to the gym but gotta wait 5 days to get my membership. i’ve written so much in my notes app but there’s a very fine line right now between processing and just wallowing in what could have been. i will come back from this. i actually have to. she defo already has. or if she hasn’t then she’s sure well good at hiding it. i’d like to be able to take a full breath soon if that’s okay. anyway the interlude between this song and ‘somebody else’ on the live album is heavenly and exactly the type of neutral torment i’m feeling constantly at the moment. living in a dreamstate.
@rivellababe
i walk each day as if it’s the one in which we left each other’s arms, while my mind’s simultaneously racing back towards her. ‘there’s no changing my mind i won’t walk the stairs with you tonight going nowhere the clock moved a quarter of a turn the time it took a cigarette to burn she said you got a lot of things to learn going nowhere’
